To be a woman in this society is to constantly live in a paradox—a set of contradictory expectations that demand she be everything at once, yet nothing entirely.

She must be ambitious, but not so much that her success will intimidate a man. She must be educated and articulate, but never too outspoken lest she be called controversial. She’s allowed to live, but never at the expense of making the patriarch uncomfortable. From the moment they are born, women are taught that they are to exist—but only when their existence is shrunk within the boundaries of what society deems a “woman” should be.

It is redundant, I know. Chances are, you’ve heard at least one rendition of this speech from the thousands of women tired of having to adjust for the fragile man—those exhausted from being told to sit with her legs crossed, to apologize when she isn’t at fault, and to cover up whenever male relatives are around. In every situation, women are always presumed to be the bigger person but never in the moments that matter.

Smaller, quieter, and gentler—this is the ultimate branding society sends out to women all over the world.

‘Smaller’

From their very first breath until their last, girls are policed over what they should do with their body and how they should look. Women learn that their value is tied over how small, literally, they can be and how many pounds they can lose in a week—for when a woman is said to have “gained too much,” she is deemed as someone who has no regard for her health and desirability.

To them, the ideal woman is someone who’s barely there.

According to dietitian and nutritionist Marika Day, diet culture, under the guise of promoting a healthy lifestyle, is inherently a feminist issue as it instills a doctrine that often equates thinness with being superior.

“We are taught from a very young age that the way we look is kind of like what we are worth. And, that we are worth more if we’re in a smaller body – which is so not true,” Day has shared, further remarking that while the progressive trend of the recent years has allowed for the acknowledgement of different body shapes and sizes, unfortunately, the underlying truth when it comes to the perpetuation of diet culture remains the size—to appeal to the male gaze.

While most would think that this is primarily an issue of vanity, ultimately, this push for thinness is about control. A woman conditioned towards self-criticism to harmful extents will not have enough time nor space to challenge the patriarchal authority that demands such. The more society can weaponize women’s insecurity, the more their system works.

‘Quieter’

Discussing further, women are expected to modulate their voices, to soften their words, and to punctuate their statements with apologies as periods and prefixes. Never too assertive, too opinionated or too much—a “good woman” is someone whose mouth is shut, even in the face of injustices.

However, if a man does the same thing, he would be deemed perfect as a leader. If a man’s voice is harsh and loud, he’s lauded as firm and assertive. If he curses, make rape jokes, and orders for the murder of his countrymen, he’s celebrated for being truthful and powerful. While a woman has to be careful with her words, men can be as raw as they want.

This culture of imposing silence upon has been used by men as a manipulative tactic in past and present. Often with religious undertones, they are taught that to be completely subservient is to fulfill their divine obligations, which was the exact justification allegedly used by Apollo Quiboloy, the leader of Restorationist church “Kingdom of Jesus Christ” and self-appointed “Son of God,” who’s facing multiple legal charges for child abuse and sex trafficking.

In the face of clear-cut evidence and legal stipulations in their defense, women nonetheless remain silent even at threats of abuse because of how society allows it—for when a woman dares to speak out against the system, often, she’s forced to choose between winning a case or losing her life.

‘Gentler’

What becomes even more disturbing is the realization of a reality that imposes gentleness upon women at all times, even in abusive and dire situations. If you were to ask any woman on the street, it is highly probable that they’ve been told at least once in their life to smile more as if it’s their responsibility to look more pleasant for your convenience.

Women are conditioned to think that their likeability is synonymous with their success. This politics of becoming more pleasant for success becomes a shackle, as it forces women to navigate a tightrope where they must be confident but not arrogant, assertive but not aggressive, ambitious but not threatening. They must aim big, but never be big.

As a consequence, women in the workplace are less likely to ask for promotions and negotiate for higher salaries. Based on a 2022 study titled “Are Strategies for Women in Compensation Negotiations More Appealing When It Is Explained How They Are Meant to Impact Negotiation Outcomes?”, it was discovered that women perceive negotiation tactics as ineffective in advancing their careers—with the research further stating that the reason why they often opt not to utilize these options is due to fear of violating the perceived gender roles.

At present, women are conditioned to believe that if they are not anything but cooperative, accommodating, and likable to the eyes of men, then they will face negative consequences—both socially and professionally.

The result? Women often hold themselves back—not because they lack ability, but because they are taught to fear the consequences of success.

When the Tides Shift

In spite of the impositions of the patriarchy, women nonetheless have long been redefining their worth based on their own conditions, per their own terms. While the movement is still far from being fully realized, women are becoming more aware that to take up space—to be heard, to lead, and to demand respect—is not a cardinal sin.

Feminists from all over the world have been firmly advocating for body diversity in media representation, rejecting societal norms to conform to unrealistic beauty standards and celebrating the fact that women don’t come in a one size fit all mold. With massive global campaigns centering around body positivity, the Representation Project’s #AllBodies Report in 2022 discovered that despite women characters in popular films being overwhelmingly non-fat, the past decade has seen a notable increase in fat representation. The report found that in 2021, 9.8% of women characters in top-grossing films were plus-sized, compared to the 2.7% in 2011.

Furthermore, the National Eating Disorders Association (NEDA) has actively campaigned against diet culture and weight stigma, which has had significant impacts, particularly in legislations. As a result of activist lobbying, the United Kingdom’s Advertising Standards Authority (ASA), have committed to implementing stricter regulations to address the use of digitally altered body images in advertising in June 2023.

In retaliation to being taught to be silent, the 2018 #MeToo campaign was launched for women all over the world to be empowered in speaking out against harassment and discrimination. Following high-profile testimonies, like Dr. Christine Blasey Ford’s during the 2018 U.S. Supreme Court nomination hearings, d, the U.S. Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC) received 7,609 reports of sexual harassment charges, which was a 13.6% rise from 6,696 in 2017.

Women-led initiatives such as the Lean In Foundation and AAUW Work Smart have also started conducting salary negotiation workshops to equip women with the confidence and skills to advocate for what they deserve in the workplace. While the gender pay gap remains a persisting problem, a 2025 Harvard Law School study entitled “In Salary Negotiations, Women Do Ask” revealed that women with a Masters degree in Business Administration are now more likely to initiate salary negotiations than their male counterpart—therefore showing that through educational empowerment, women are empowered in turn to fight for their rights against systems riddled in inequalities.

Women may have been taught to shrink themselves, to be agreeable, to be submissive even —but with every progressive fight, these are unlearnt constraints with every act of defiance, every refusal to conform, and every demand for what is rightfully theirs.

Of course, the consequences of limitations remain true—that to be able to speak up remains an unfortunate privilege for some. However, when the voice of one is heard, it empowers others to speak up, challenge unfair norms, and demand change.

While women may be deemed small under the hold of the men who rule from above, the fear and the stigma of “being big” in challenging the exploitative patriarchy is slowly being abolished—because after all, the true definition of an ideal woman is someone who has, truly, lived.